2023 + Joy.
My year was adventurous in its way, but one thing that marvels me was how much at home I felt within myself, how much strength I let myself acquire, and how much I had to teach myself to drop my armours and be free with life.
I started the year like every other year in the past few years, usually I don't take holiday celebrations seriously and the same goes for new years, I only see a brand new day like every other morning when I wake up. Although, I think I must have eaten well on that day as my mother never misses out on new year meals and all that.
I usually do not set new year resolutions or new year goals, I would later find out that this is because of me being neurodivergent. A list doesn’t control my life, and I don’t accept pressure from anybody, not even from myself. Although sometimes I do have hopes and wishes, they never become a goal for me.
I like to tell myself that I enjoy just going with how my life flows, I know that I am smart and really intelligent, I may make mistakes but most often, I’ll make the right decisions for my life as events play out.
I only try to remember the good things of the year, I most times forget the bad even though they stick on the other side of my memory as trauma.
So, I wish to recount the wonderful experiences I have this year, experiences are everything for me, they are what I live for.
1. 2023 was the year I moved out of my parent's house, I had always told myself that I wanted out of my parents house by 25 and even though I didn't actively work towards it because was okay with leaving at 26 or 27, whenever I could afford it, I am happy that I left before 25.
The experience have been beautiful and refreshing for me, my mental health have gotten a little better and I'm trying to make my home my little sanctuary, the place where I feel alive and relaxed.
2. This year, I have been closer to my relatives and I tell you, there’s joy in hopping from one cousin’s house to another and from your parent’s house to your aunt’s house.
I love the experience and time I spent with my special cousin. The way she is funny, the way she tells me stories and shares her opinions on things, it makes me smile and I love her for it. I enjoy talking with her and just being around her and watching her talk.
3. I have held joy, radical joy and I have held pain. One thing I learned to do this year was take pleasure in joy, I learned to be radical with my joy, to accept pain, sit with it, and listen to it but to never forget that joy also exists and is available for me.
So, I laughed more, I had hope, I made myself happy in ways I could and I stayed more around people.
4. Somehow, my heart opened to love, to accepting love from people. I used to be so afriad of vulnerability and loving other people, looking back now I think I was afriad of my own capability to love, I was afraid that I would love too much and wouldn’t be loved the same. Now, I no longer worry much about not being loved back, I just want to love, to love the amazing people in my life as much as I can without worry of whether they love me back or not.
This has made alot of difference as now I love my friends better, I love my chosen family better, and I love myself very much better.
5. I'm not sure I made as much money as I wanted but I'm glad that I tried my hands on new things, next year, I hope I finally know what business to venture into and that it works out.
6. I wrote more on my medium page and even started sharing my writings on AMAKA blog, three of my writings was also published in two different magazines this year and It's been amazing just how much I'm able to write my thoughts and have people enjoy reading them. It fills my heart with so much happiness.
7. I had to add this part after may hours of publishing this article because it’s really worth it. In 2023 I became sure of my sexuality , I used to just call myself a queer woman because I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to men or not.
However, I had beautiful experiences with a woman that led to me knowing for sure that I am a lesbian. This alone made my year a beautiful one.
In 2024, I hope to experience more love, with family, friends, and possibly a lover.
I hope that I’m able to find a business that suits me and pays well.
I hope to write more, to share my thoughts and life unfiltered, to write my way into freedom.
I hope that the year comes with great emotional health.
I hope that my joy is unquenchable, that I remain as authentic as ever, and that I do well in my studies.
I really hope that my life be better and peaceful.
